Sibling Jealousy

If you had your first child in your early thirties, it is better to have the second baby with a gap of just two years. There is a little envy or jealousy in the first child because this emotion appears only at about twenty months, and the first-born cannot yet think clearly about the new baby. You will also spend a lot of time with the first-born as he is still very much dependent on you.

This kind of jealousy is often seen in the first-born. After the second baby is born the mother has to attend the newborn; and the first-born feels that his mother has stopped loving him and loves only the new baby. He starts hating the baby and keeps inventing ways to get rid of the new child so that the mother will start loving him as before. This feeling is very natural and also very powerful.

Planning A Second Baby

If you had a choice what would you have – two babies or one? Think. Is it unfair to the child to be alone, should he have the company of his sibling so that he always has somebody, to call his own, not just in childhood or at times when you might be away but for his entire life. As parents of a single child will you be too protective, thus inhibiting his full normal development? Perhaps you have decided your child must have a sibling but it is not practical. If your jobs keep you very busy, one more child could upset all your plans and tie you down to the house in the early precious years of career development. Then, perhaps, you should plan for only one child and try to frequently provide him the of his cousins or friends. You should however, bring him up with normal discipline, so that he learns that he will not always get whatever he wants.

Early Childhood Behavior

Children differ remarkably and each child has his own temperament. Even in the same family, children differ a great deal. We all know how different we are from our siblings. Thus some children are quiet and others cry a lot, some are very active, others are placid, some are quick to respond, others are slow. There are many such temperamental differences which can be traced to parental heritage. But the environmental differences (the way the child is handled and treated) are equally significant. What is most important is the consistency in the behavior of the mother or the caregiver.

There are some early indicators of the child’s development. For example, when you are talking to the baby, there should be eye contact, that is, the child should look at you for at least a short time. If the child does not react to your speech or action even at four months, then consult your paediatrician.

Toilet Training

The critical issue in child training is when to begin toilet training. It is believed that the child derives much pleasure from bowel movements and when this is interfered with, too early in life, through severe control or training, the child responds by inhibiting his pleasure-seeking activity. If toilet training is charecterized by scolding and punishment by the parents, the child may tend to become anxious. Take the baby to the sink and lift up its feet a little. Simultaneously, make soft sounds. Hold it in this position for about thirty seconds from as early as the second month and when the baby passes urine reward it by hugging and making happy sounds. If the baby does not respond, do not be disappointed but continue the same exercise regularly. Very soon the child gets conditioned to the position and the response of paternal praise. For bowel movements put him on a potty appropriate to his size, after his feed, holding him initially until he has learnt to sit properly.

Breastfeeding And Weaning

Mothers today are well informed and know the importance of breastfeeding. Initially, it may cost you some effort to breastfeed the baby. The baby is rather weak and often there is too much milk, which makes the breasts heavy. The nurse normally helps you to learn to feed the baby.

In the first months feed the baby whenever it demands to be fed. Don’t think of any regimen. The stomach of a young baby is small and tubular and becomes empty soon.

It is said initially the baby should be fed in the sitting position because there is a danger of falling asleep and the tiny baby getting choked, if you feed it lying down. After a few weeks when the baby has put on weight, you may choose whichever position is comfortable. Breastfeeding can be continued beyond the first year when it is accompanied by supplementary food. Doctors will advice you about the schedule.

How Attached Is A Baby To Its Parent?

In normal rearing, all children become attached to the mother or the caregiver, as well as to the father if he is attending the baby. This attachment begins very early, in the first month of life itself, when the baby experiences warmth and security in maternal body contact. The baby also becomes familiar with the mother’s body smell, voice, and way of handling and that is why he stops crying when you lift him. In the second week after birth, the baby looks at you momentarily but steadily. At that time there is no intended gazing; but a six week old, full term baby shows muscular facial movements resembling a smile, only to the caregiver. The infant is so sensitive that it can discriminate between relaxed handling and the tense handling, of the mother. If the baby is premature, you should add those many days before you expect this kind of behavior.

Bringing The Baby Home – Getting organized

First and foremost try to understand what it takes to be parents. Ideally, both of you should plan well in advance and get acquired with all possible requirements of the new situation. Ask your friends or other new parents about their experiences. You should prepare yourself not just mentally but also physically.

Talk to your friends and relatives about what it is like to have a baby. Both parents must get acquainted with what will be required of them. If both of you are working, you should look for a long term help, well before the baby arrives. If there are elders, examine the feasibility of their staying with you.

This kind of arrangement works in two ways. The physical as well as emotional trauma of terminating the pregnancy is overcome the young women does not have to give up her ambition. However, if you are the kind of people who are used to staying alone and cannot adjust someone staying with you permanently, discuss with each other the alternative ways and means of facing the situation. Identify in your neighborhood, a home or a person with whom you can entrust your child. These days neighbors may not be very helpful, but it worth checking if there is one who can help you, at least occasionally.